I’ve always thought that if everything else went pear-shaped, that there would always be a future for me in drug-trafficking. I love travel, I speak fairly good Spanish, I’ve become pretty nifty with small firearms since I moved to the US, and I’m good at negotiating in stressful situations. Admittedly, my mental arithmetic skills might make me vulnerable to scams, but from what I’ve seen in films, all you need to do is be able to open large suitcases of money and check that the middle bills are actually bills, not paper. No actual counting seems to be involved.

So I was really excited that I finally had a chance to test my abilities with the Wellcome Society’s opium smuggling game, “High Tea”.  Sadly, it turns out I’m a rubbish drug smuggler. I caused riots in the UK with my inability to supply them with sufficient tea, and lost opium boats to the 19th century equivalent of asset forfeiture. Stupid enforcement agencies. Stupid rioting British. Should have just sold opium to the British. That would have stopped them rioting.

via @TransformDrugs