The Daily Mash’s report on the Government’s appointment of Raabe to the ACMD:

New government drugs adviser Dr Hans-Christian Raabe has reassured worried parents by confirming that Christianity is the only drug young people need.
Dr Raabe was a candidate for the Christian Party. That’s right, the Christian Party. Dr Raabe stressed that Jesus was the ultimate high and that as soon as people realised that the drugs trade would instantly vanish. He said: “We can spend all day talking about decriminalisation and rehabilitation but has anyone just told drug takers that if they don’t stop doing it they will go to hell? I think you’ll find that might just solve your little problem for you.”
Dr Raabe also warned that young people who become gay will almost certainly use drugs because most drugs are biologically homosexual. He added: “I read that on a website.”

(Thanks Steve!)